Honesty

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The phone conversation that hasn’t happened yet:

- I guess I dropped the bomb on you, huh.

- You can say that again.

- I thought it was time to be honest. I couldn’t keep it to myself any longer.

- I appreciate your honesty.

- Good.

- But

- But what?

- I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what to do about this. I wish you hadn’t said anything.

Lovers talk as if they believed others were listening in. Their conversations cannot be deciphered unless you’re the Lover, or the Beloved. And even they miss half of what’s going on.

The email referred to:

It's funny that you got all shocked when I flippantly asked, "What are you wearing?" It was out-of-character, and it was is inappropriate.

We're not lovers, and no matter how good friends we ever become, we can never be lovers. I once dreamed I was kissing you, and it was so vividly real it woke me with the force of the feeling. Yet even in my dreams I couldn't go further than that. No matter how much my heart is in love with you, my head reminds me: we can never be lovers.

That's one of the saddest thoughts I've ever had to express. The tears are on my face now, even though I've known it all along. It's not what you need from me, and it never will be. You need to find happiness, and if there's anything I can do to make life more cheerful for you in the meantime, that's what I'm there for.

But not for that.

The comment that kicked it all off:

 

BEGIN

(23:47:52) b...@gmail.com you there

(23:48:08) n...@gmail.com no!

(23:48:10) n...@gmail.com :-)

(23:48:16) n...@gmail.com hi

(23:48:18) b...@gmail.com i can see you

(23:48:29) n...@gmail.com peek-a-boo

(23:48:52) b...@gmail.com what are you wearing? (nerd)

(23:49:18) n...@gmail.com fully dressed. why? (you really are!)

(23:49:45) b...@gmail.com i really am what? a nerd?

(23:49:56) n...@gmail.com a nerd, yes.

(23:50:03) b...@gmail.com no way

(23:50:10) n...@gmail.com for asking things of this sort.

(23:50:17) b...@gmail.com nerds don't go out with beautiful women

(23:50:21) n...@gmail.com yes way

(23:51:13) n...@gmail.com ... ohh. -- so?

(23:51:55) b...@gmail.com i'm a renaissance man, not a nerd

(23:52:10) b...@gmail.com i guess that smiley didn't turn out right

(23:52:31) n...@gmail.com I see. - Ren. men are vulgar, then?

(23:52:43) b...@gmail.com was it so vulgar?

(23:53:14) n...@gmail.com nooo, but a bit. Unexpected at any rate.

(23:53:27) b...@gmail.com i was playing off the "I can see you" comment.

(23:53:42) b...@gmail.com I get a notification when any of my contacts comes online

(23:53:47) b...@gmail.com i can't really see you

(23:53:55) n...@gmail.com !!!! ohhhh! --- I didn't get that.

(23:54:07) n...@gmail.com then it's not vulgar, really.

(23:54:14) b...@gmail.com i wouldn't mind being able to see you

(23:54:28) b...@gmail.com but a gentleman would be obliged to let you know in advance

(23:54:36) n...@gmail.com :-)) that's not always practical.

(23:54:54) b...@gmail.com maybe i could get a notification about that as well

(23:55:00) n...@gmail.com a quick rise from nerd to gentleman, then!

(23:55:04) n...@gmail.com :-))

(23:55:22) b...@gmail.com i'm always a perfect gentleman, aside from the confusion about doors

(23:55:27) b...@gmail.com going in and coming out

(23:55:43) n...@gmail.com :-)) and steps going up and down

(23:55:49) b...@gmail.com it's a minefield

(23:56:17) b...@gmail.com sometimes i get so scared of committing a faux pas i can hardly take a step

(23:57:31) b...@gmail.com anyway it's been nice chatting, but i said i was going to bed, and i like to think i'm a man of my word

(23:57:56) n...@gmail.com ohh. under all circumstances.

(23:58:17) b...@gmail.com here's a kiss for you, on the end of your nose: x

(23:58:25) n...@gmail.com anyway, you are not a nerd, I won't have you insulting my friends!!!

(23:58:58) n...@gmail.com :-) thanks for the kiss on nose. And a big hug back to you! -- sleep well!

(00:01:05) n...@gmail.com xx

(00:01:14) b...@gmail.com xx

END

So you see how easily things can escalate.